Thursday, October 28, 2010

HIP-HOP CLYDE

  A gent we'll call Hip-Hop Clyde was a big man for the 60's era. About six-three, he weighed near 250. With his size came strength and amazing agility. They say he was also quite a dancer.
 Clyde was a criminal from Ft. Myers who would visit us when things got too hot in the Land of Tom E. Fortunately, the visits were infrequent. Clyde was good at what he did.
 What he did was crack safes and he did it in a unique fashion. His unique MO showed that Clyde had been there since few others could do the crime like him. 
 If it was an office safe, of the 250 to 300 pound variety, he'd just hoist it up on his shoulder and carry it home. If he couldn't comfortably do that, he'd use the method that definitely pegged him. He'd chop off the hinges with an ax, then pop open the door. Sounds impossible, but a durable, sharp ax in Clyde's hands was as good as a combination. I saw the results of his efforts twice. Clean cuts that looked like he hadn't taken more than two swipes on each hinge.
 Clyde was hard to catch because first, he was a good thief, and second, he could run so fast. He'd outrun the cops in Ft Myers twice that we knew of and nearly dumped us one night off of 5th Ave No and the railroad tracks. If he hadn't gotten his foot caught in the ties, and yanked his leg  off he would've. Yanked his leg off? 
 Oh yeah, that was the other unique thing about Hip-Hop Clyde. All his strength and athletic feats were accomplished by a man with only one leg.
  Editor's Note: Chester Keene, after reading the this, has added this verification.
  Chester says: "When I was a rookie cop in Ft. Myers, I, along with another officer chased Ol' Clyde on foot down Booker's Alley. He hadn't been fitted for his wooden leg at the time and was on crutches. We were gaining on him when he threw down his crutch and outran us on one leg, pushing off the sides of the buildings and rebounding forward. 
  After he came to Naples. I saw him once on the street. He just gave me a Gotcha Boy grin."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

RALPH'S MARVELOUS MYSTERY OIL

  We've mentioned Ralph Cox before, the former NPD cop who ran a private security patrol in Port Royal. And, we've written of Ralph's partner, the huge German Shepard Prince. After the sun went down 'til dawning the pair were ubiquitous in Port Royal patrolling in Ralph's cruiser of choice, a Morris Minor.
 The Morris Minor was a shoe-sized, 4-cylinder British import that reminded folks of a malnourished '40 Ford. Small, uncomfortable, and about as appealing as blood pudding, they had little to recommend them. Except, like all Brit imports of the era, they were durable. Especially if Ralph Cox drove them. Ralph, you see had a system that allowed him to drive the toys up to 300K miles. That's 365 days a year. On the original engine.
 Ralph would tell you that his key to long engine life was maintaining the oil. Nothing new there, right? Change it every 3 to 5,000 miles, use the best oil, filter. Nope, that wasn't it. Ralph changed his oil filter every 10,000 miles or so but never changed the oil. That's what I said, never changed the oil. He'd add to it, keep it topped up, but never drain and replace it. And he used the cheapest oil he could find. 
 "As long as it's slick," he'd say, "it'll work."
 I remember he was torked off when the reclaimed oil in bottles were taken off the market by service stations.
 So there you have it. A field-tested program to save you money, eliminate aggravation, and extend your engine life. If you have the guts to try it. 
 I never did.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

HEY SMARTY PANTS, WHERE'RE YOU GOIN'?

  Hiring for the CCSO allowed me to meet some very intelligent people. Some so smart that you had to make sure that all their furniture wasn't in one part of their attic. I'd worked with a guy like that on Marco, in the missile business. Waldo was brilliant . To a fault. His attic was chock-full of electronics knowledge. And not much else.
 We worked shifts and more than once I encountered him in the parking lot, at shift change, with a confused look on his face. When asked the problem, he'd say, "Are we coming to work or going home?"
 I liked to hire folks who were smarter than the average bear, but not too smart. One such, was recognized by his boss to be very bright and used to advantage. He was drafted to write for his boss--who was trying to make Captain--a Master's Thesis. His boss, and the college, were ecstatic with the results. Hell, I think his boss may've even read it.
 Another blazing beacon I took on aboard--who we'll call Grundig--was a pure genius. He was hired to do some technical work that required way more brains than muscle. Grundig fit the profile. As an example, he subscribed to a technical journal that was written in six languages. Grundig could read them all!
 We did have a problem during the hiring process--I couldn't get him to bring in a copy of his Master's Degree. He would stall and make excuses, but never deliver. I finally put it to him: "If you don't let me verify your degree, I'm not going to hire you."
 Grundig delivered it the next day. I asked him why he'd been so reluctant to let me see it.
 "I was a failure and didn't want you to know," he said.
 "Looks good to me," I said, noting the grades were all "A's."
 "There is one A-minus," he said. "I was trying to get an all "A" college record."
 The dreadful secrets some of us lock in our closets.

Monday, October 25, 2010

PHONEY PHONE CALLZ




  Scott Barnett remembers a story from the early 80's. He was a young, aspiring investigator then and anxious to get any experience in that line he could. Byron Thomlinson and Ken Mulling suggested he participate in a drug bust planned for a duplex off what was then Kelly Road (Bayshore Drive) in East Naples. Scott jumped at the chance. As he tells it:
 At 8 PM, ten of us gathered at the Sheriff's Office. I remember that Robbie Kranz, Wayne Graham, Harold Young, Mike Ryan, and Dave Johnson were also in attendance. Doug Nickel, who was lead on the case, described the building and curtilage, and told us where the drugs should be. Then, individual assignments were made for the raid.
 Our plan in place, we traveled to the target residence in pairs, reached our assigned positions and, on command, went crashing into the house. All went as planned. Except, as so often happens in these well-planned intrusions, there were no Dopers present and no dope. I've found, over the years, that criminals have no consideration at all for the police.
 Regrouping at the SO, our adrenaline still at an unrequited fever pitch, we decided there had to be other good work out there that needed to be done. Our devious intent focused on a slimball dealer in Golden Gate who we'll call Tony Fonzy. Tony had been giving everyone fits since he knew all the few undercover officers we had and, consequently, no one could make the required buys to put him where he needed to be.
 Doug and Ken Mulling came up with a plan. Several of us were to sneak up and surround Tony's house, then radio back when we were in position. This done, Doug made an anonymous and urgent call to Tony. Out of breath, and seemingly panic stricken, he told Tony that the cops had just raided his friend's house he'd barely escaped. But, he'd heard the Deputies say they were coming to Tony's house next, so Tony should get the dope out of the house before the cops arrived with their search warrant and smashed down his door. Doug then hung up before any question could be asked.
 In less than a minute, Tony's back door burst open and he and his girlfriend, an affectionate lass known as Catch Me, Hump Me, Hope I Trip, came running out with their arms full of dope. And right into ours.
 A valuable lesson was learned that night. There's always  more than one way to skin a weasel. If you're inventive. And not too particular.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

BAUBLE BANDITS

  The jewelry business is notoriously shady. When you find a reputable jeweler, stick with them, because they can be rare. They’re out there, but it might take some looking. Many a weasel lurks in the glare of a shiny stone.
  One of the oldest scams, is the Free Jewelry Cleaning offer. Just bring us in your jewelry, leave it, and we’ll clean if for you. No charge! Sound too good to be true? Well then. . .
 This is what an unscrupulous thief will do. Give the stones in your jewelry a close inspection, identifying the superior ones. Then swap out these stones with fakes, or flawed ones. How do they get away with it? Most consumers can’t tell the difference between a diamond and a dewdrop.
 The weasels are always working. You can see them on TV every day. Most recent are the gold buyers. Mail us all your unwanted gold and we’ll send you a check! Sure, but how big a check?
 NBC news set up a sting on these scumbags. They had some gold jewelry appraised at a reputable dealer, then mailed it out to several TV gold buyers. The highest check returned was for 90% of the appraised value. Not bad. Then it went down hill, all the way to just 8% of what the gold was worth. This is just stealing your gold.
 There are some who have little sympathy for suckers who get robbed by these crooks. They wonder why anyone would send their stuff off to some unknown grifter with any expectation of receiving full value.
 If you want to sell your jewelry, go to reputable, local jewelers and get estimates. Even locally, you’ll be surprised at the difference in appraisals.
 Guess John Wayne said it best: “Life’s hard, but it’s a lot harder if you’re stupid.” 

Friday, October 15, 2010

SLICKY BOYS

  An old scam is a good scam. Evidently. I recently overhead a cashier at a convenience store lamenting about being taken by what we called “Quick Change Artist”, or a variety thereof. These scams are as old as prostitution but are, like that ancient evil, still alive and kicking.
 These particular slick tricksters would hand a clerk a bill--say a twenty--or receive it in change and ask the clerk to break it down as the con artist needed smaller bills. He might say “make it two tens.” Then, as the clerk is getting the two tens, the request changes. “Go ahead and make that one ten and ten ones.”
 This isn’t the exact language or “patter” but the intent is always the same: make the requests and changes so fast and often the confused clerk ends up giving the con artist more than he started out with. This is usually half, but sometimes is the whole twenty.
 Sound impossible? Can’t happen to you? If you encounter one of these fast taking dudes you’d better walk away or you could be next.
 The quick change that required the most patience was the “dollar-splitter.” We’d catch inmates doing this in jail cause they had a lotta time to waste. The required materials are a one dollar bill and a twenty-- or ten if that’s the best you can do—some glue, and a very sharp razor blade.
 The carver will start splitting the bills into halves, the front from the back on both.  When the separation is completed, a hybrid is glued together, a twenty on one side and a one on the other. The bills are passed, of course, with the twenty side facing up. That’s a potential of forty dollars.
 Some splitters, who don’t have the patience to do the entire bill, just take the corners that show the denomination. Then the bills are fanned like cards when passed, showing only the higher denomination number.
 The things people will do to make a buck—literally.

Monday, October 11, 2010

BIG HEARTED JOHN

  Big John called me one day with a problem. “My new ‘Man Friday’,” he said’ “Got a problem. Could you give me a hand?” I told John I’d be down directly.
 Big John was the iconoclastic Gordon Drive millionaire of private zoo fame. We’d dealt with his Man Friday problems before.
 John would hire a personal assistant to run his home, his domestic operation. All but his private zoo, which was his exclusive domain. His assistant would see that the home and lawn maintenance were attended to, the autos in perfect running condition, the groceries stocked, the laundry done, everything so John didn’t have to worry about such trivialities.
 In return, Big John was very generous. He’d pay a handsome salary, allow Friday to use the yacht, the cars, treat the house like it was his own.
 Once Friday, when he asked John if he’d help him purchase a car, was pleasantly surprised. John bought him a Jaguar convertible, and financed it so Friday could pay him whenever he could. John was like that. To a fault.
 So when he told me he had “Man Friday” problems, I knew what it probably was. Familiarity breeds contempt. Almost every Friday he hired eventually stole from him. And John would never prosecute, just let them slink away.
 This case was the same deal, exceptional only in the depth of Friday's greed. On the books, the lawn service was being paid $500 a month, when the real cost was $450, the lawn guy kicking back $50 to Friday. The butcher charged $200 a month for steaks, which was 20% over the actual price, the extra kicked back to Friday.  And so it went, with Friday jacking everyone he could. He even tried to get cut-rate newspapers off the kid that delivered Naples Daily News by threatening to switch to the News Press.
 When I questioned him about his corruption, he came apart like a pair of Bangladesh sneakers, blubbering and whining about how sorry he was. This, of course, gave John just the excuse he needed to not prosecute.
 We weren’t done with this Friday. About a month later, John called me up. “Got a call from Friday this morning,” he said. “Wanted to know if I’d give him a reference? What do you think?”
 When I got done laughing, John said, “I guess that’s a No.”
 That was Big John.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

GETTING A HEAD

  PhotoShop is a relatively new program for manipulating photographs. It’s difficult to view any media without encountering an example of its use. Movie stars not showing their age, amazing weight loss photos, you name it. Makes you wonder how we ever got along without it. Mike Gideon, retired Deputy from the CCSO, could tell you all about that.
 If you were one of the Lost TV folks, stranded on a desert island, Mike’d be one of the people you’d hope crashed with you. He’s one of those inventive people who reflect the old American “can do” spirit. Don’t have it? No problem. Give me five minutes and I’ll come up with something. Mike could build a unicycle out of coconut husks.
 Back in the 60’s he had a chance to demonstrate his ingenuity. A moonshine still had been raided out in the swamp. Moonshine still? Yep, white lightening isn’t under the exclusive purview of Appalachian Hillbillies. Cracker’s can brew up a potent batch, too. And they used to quite often.
 The Collier County Sheriff’s Office had raided a large one out in the Big Cypress. It’d been photographed, dismantled, parts seized for evidence, and jugs full of shine hauled off or busted. Problem was, in their exuberance, they’d forgotten to wait for the Sheriff and Chief Deputy to get their photograph taken with the haul.
 And it was a beauty. Just the stuff Sheriff’s like to send out to the news media to show their constituents what a grand job they’re doing protecting them.
 But, fortunately for the Sheriff, he had the versatile Mike Gideon as a photographer. And Mike invented his own PhotoShop that day.
 First, he found one of the moonshine still photos that showed Deputies posing with the evil percolator before it was razed. Then, he collected photos of the Sheriff and Chief Deputy of an appropriate size and angle, cut off their heads, and pasted them over the heads of the real Deputies at the scene.
  When he re-photographed his paste-up, you couldn’t tell what skullduggery had taken place. The photo was widely published, and no one ever expected it was a fake.
   

Sunday, October 3, 2010

GETTING THINGS STRAIGHT

  Thanks to Brent Batten for the nice column in the Naples Daily News today about the blog. Brent got it right, as usual. But, one of his readers was upset that I didn't have the story about Timex and the Sippy Hole correct.
 The story was correct, just abbreviated. Of course Doug Hendry drove the buggy on TV. He was the local star. But that wasn't the full story, or the interesting part.
  I've added content to the original published on July 29, 2010.
You can go there by typing Don Harris in the search box above left or going to the archives on the right and click on July.
 Hope that makes everyone happy. 
 And, thanks again Brent.