A BAD SPELL

  This is from Dave Dampier who remembers the days before Spell Check on computers and some of our cops who couldn’t spell sugar if they had a mouthful.

 One of my early supervisory duties at NPD was to review and approve the written reports produced in the preceding 24 hours.   These were typed, with a carbon copy, or later NCR. Both were a pain to correct yet we demanded the best written report possible because they were public records and could be used in court and were seen by the "newsies", who loved to tease us about some of our hobbled Hemingways.

 I will say that the majority of our officers were good at meeting the report's factual and information requirements. But, some had spelling ability deficiencies that required sleeping with a Funk & Wagnall’s.  

 Minor misspellings were usually easily corrected and in most cases I just wrote over a misspelled word or two. But, occasionally I ran into a composition that just would not pass muster.  

 We had a primo investigator who went on to a successful career at the Collier County Sheriff’s Office. One of the best! A virtuoso at detective work. He had, however, a tin ear when it came to spelling--just had no feel of how a word should be spelled. If we would misspell a word kitshen, he might try cittshund. In all other respects his reports were perfect. 

 There was another officer I recall who always “Pulled the car to the crub”.  He may have been dyslexic, but we didn’t know what that was in those days.  Another favorite, “Arrived on the seen and fownd”.

  These were minor things compared to “Officer Fonicks” who we hired as a trained, seasoned, and experienced officer from up north. Officer Fonicks was repeatedly given the task to re-write reports due to numerous misspellings, inadequate sentence structure, and just plain inability to convey facts in written form.  One time I sent a report back to him for re-write and that afternoon he was seen in the squad room with his wife at his side, struggling with the task.  He later brought the re-written report to my office and I had difficulty reading same. When I tried to point out some of his errors and omissions he said “But Lieutenant I just can’t do it”. 

 My immediate and, admittedly, off-hand response was “Well Bob, I would advise you to seek another line of work”.   The next I heard of Officer Fonicks was when I tried to read his resignation letter.   He was with us but a short time--just a few months. Guess he decided they weren't so picky at the Cincinatti PD so he went back home.

 Editor's note: My stuff is spell checked by the computer, my wife, Sandy, and readers. And still things get spelt wrong.