RALPH ROGER DODGER

  There was a time when the guns seized in the line of duty could be kept by the Cop who seized them. That was unless the judge wanted it. (There were very few seized hunting rifles that got by Judge Stanley) Most of the guns seized where junk and the officer would just throw them in the Gulf. Occasionally, you'd come across a keeper.

 There was a local character we'll call Ralph Roger Dodger, who was alway good for a new gun. Ralph always carried and he was the least qualified to be anywhere near a gun. A nutcase. That's why we disarmed him so often.

  Ralph was always modifying guns or trying to make guns out of things that weren't intended for that use. On one memorable occasion, he modified a tear gas pen-like shooter into a .38. And promptly shot himself in the chest with it.

  Then he got in the "silencer" business. The Feds have strict laws against the manufacture of silencers but Ralph Roger built them anyway and advertised his wares so well the Feds  locked him away for a few years.

  He was always into something to aggravate folks, even his own family. Ralph Roger lived in an apartment over a famous Naples restaurant his family owed. One day a family member called us saying that Ralphy had gone insane and was up in his apartment threatening to kill anyone who came near him. I was in the area and took the call.

  Walking up the outside stairway I could hear him yelling inside the apartment. I knocked on the door and announced who I was.

  "You better get away from that door," Ralphy said, "or I'll blow you away."

  Being in a bad mood that day, I had no time for Ralphy's bull squat. "Ralph Roger," I said, "if I have to take this door down I'm gonna come in there and kick your ass so far up between your shoulder blades you'll have to unzip your fly to drink a Slurpee." Or something like that.

  "Oh, okay," Ralph Roger said, opening the door and handing me his gun.

  Ralph Roger was occasionally "insane" but he wasn't a fool.

Thanks to Dave Dampier for the reminder.