Aside from the Councilman's crackpot idea that we patrol on bicycles--for which this series, I'm Peddlin' As Fast As I Can, is named--there have been others gems from the outer limits.
In the late fifties it was decided that the NPD could save money by using Nash Ramblers as patrol vehicles. It would also shut up the local Rambler dealer who complained he didn't get a fair shake with mostly Chevrolets and Fords being used.
Ramblers were cheap, no frills, mid-size cars. They were so underpowered they couldn't out drag a codger in a wheelchair. And they weren't built to withstand rough use, let alone 24-hour-a day police duty. But there they were.
They did have two good features. They sipped gasoline and the front seats folded back into a comfortable bed. The bed was great for civilian use, but in a police car? There are two primary things a bed is used for, sleep and sex, both of which you're not supposed to be doing on duty. But we all know human nature.
The Ramblers began to fall apart before the new car smell was lost in the ambient cop car stench of drunk puke and urine. The folding front seat back had a bad habit of converting into a bed anytime you hit a bump. The thing just collapsed backwards. This could really pull your pucker string. And that of any backseat passenger, too. Talk about texting being a distraction.
The vehicles were so cheaply built that our huge cops, like Fred Scott, just crushed the seats until they were flatter than a cop's wallet. The next guy on duty had to stack up cushions, like a child's seat in a restaurant, to see over the dash.
Durable? A collision with a possum could require a tow truck.
Long-lasting? The poor, feeble engines were history after 40,000 miles.
Then there was the Flash-O-Matic automatic shifter. A push-button device built into the dash, it matched the reliability of the rest of the vehicle. Often, when the button was pushed, it would fall through, and disappear inside the dash. Real handy. . .unless you wanted to change gears again.
Finally, an always enterprising Det Jack Bliss, came up with the answer. By writing the specs for patrol car bids using a normal sedan's wheelbase, the stubby Rambler would not qualify.
And so the cops were able to go back to just worrying about the bad guys trying to kill them. Not their own cars.
Thanks, Ben
In the late fifties it was decided that the NPD could save money by using Nash Ramblers as patrol vehicles. It would also shut up the local Rambler dealer who complained he didn't get a fair shake with mostly Chevrolets and Fords being used.
Ramblers were cheap, no frills, mid-size cars. They were so underpowered they couldn't out drag a codger in a wheelchair. And they weren't built to withstand rough use, let alone 24-hour-a day police duty. But there they were.
They did have two good features. They sipped gasoline and the front seats folded back into a comfortable bed. The bed was great for civilian use, but in a police car? There are two primary things a bed is used for, sleep and sex, both of which you're not supposed to be doing on duty. But we all know human nature.
The Ramblers began to fall apart before the new car smell was lost in the ambient cop car stench of drunk puke and urine. The folding front seat back had a bad habit of converting into a bed anytime you hit a bump. The thing just collapsed backwards. This could really pull your pucker string. And that of any backseat passenger, too. Talk about texting being a distraction.
The vehicles were so cheaply built that our huge cops, like Fred Scott, just crushed the seats until they were flatter than a cop's wallet. The next guy on duty had to stack up cushions, like a child's seat in a restaurant, to see over the dash.
Durable? A collision with a possum could require a tow truck.
Long-lasting? The poor, feeble engines were history after 40,000 miles.
Then there was the Flash-O-Matic automatic shifter. A push-button device built into the dash, it matched the reliability of the rest of the vehicle. Often, when the button was pushed, it would fall through, and disappear inside the dash. Real handy. . .unless you wanted to change gears again.
Finally, an always enterprising Det Jack Bliss, came up with the answer. By writing the specs for patrol car bids using a normal sedan's wheelbase, the stubby Rambler would not qualify.
And so the cops were able to go back to just worrying about the bad guys trying to kill them. Not their own cars.
Thanks, Ben
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