Monday, January 17, 2011

POLITICAL PROFUNDITIES

  Some of the tasteless shenanigans that go on in today's political campaigns reminded Ray Barnett of the local ballot seeking battles from a kinder and gentler time. Well, sorta kinder and gentler.
  Doug Hendry was faced with a number of challengers, over the years, who all found out it was a waste of time. In his prime, Doug was so smooth and intelligent and likable you might as well have tried to take Christ's seat next to God. Probably because of that, most of his opponents didn't seem to be very serious--just looking to get their name in the paper.
  Back then, a candidate seldom said anything derogatory about the opponent. It just wasn't done, Old Man. They would, however, enlist the aide of their cohorts to spread a nasty rumor.
  During one of these "nice guy" speeches a contender against Doug, who we'll call Dozy Dorwin, was so effervescent in his praise of the Sheriff, some had to be wondering why he was bothering to run against such a great guy.
  When Doug finally got the mike, he showed the crowd what a swell fella he really was, by thanking Dozy, for the kind words, and reminding him to zip up his undone fly.
  A local character and well digger, Whiz Waters, once decided he was just what the people needed in the Sheriff's chair. Whiz's speech demonstrated what "rough" politics were at the time.
 He allowed that Doug wasn't tough enough for the job. That what it needed was a hard scale Cracker, like himself. And to prove himself as that person, he challenged Doug to walk across an oyster bar with him--barefoot.
  This was no trick for Whiz, who seldom wore shoes and showed the crowd just how tough his tootsies were by striking a match on his bare foot to light his cigarette. 
  'Course, the voters weren't impressed and smoked Whiz at the polls.

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