Dave Johnson strikes with yet another diabolical chair chiller. As Dave tells it:
We had a secretary with a ponderous posterior (big butt). She was a sweetheart, but cops can become predatory when there is an opportunity for humor.
We noticed she didn't have a lot of side clearance with the arms of her office chair. It was the old sturdy steel frame kind that lasted for generations. We decided we would psych her into going on a diet by making her think she was gaining weight.
I brought in some large screw clamps and we began squeezing in the arms, a little each night. This went on until she damn near got stuck in the chair --and almost fainted from dieting.
Then we reversed the process! Using a spreader bar, we pushed the arms back out a little at a time until she was comfy again. She thought her diet had worked and all returned to normal.
She later found out what we did but, being the sweetheart she was, never held the station house humor against us.
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