Tuesday, March 16, 2010

JUDGE JOLLEY by MIKE GRIMM

  I was in Judge Jolly's courtroom in Everglades one time back in the 1950's, waiting for a traffic accident case that I was to testify in and enjoying the parade of cases prior to mine. In one, a man from Everglades had been hauled in for gambling and maintaining a gambling establishment.
  Deputies testified that they were called on a noise complaint by a neighbor and upon investigation, found a large group of men in the defendants house, shooting craps, drinking, shouting and generally having a good ol' time. When the deputies came in through the front door, the gamblers went out through the back door, windows, and a large hole in the floor, like rats deserting a busted bank . The only one they caught was the defendant, who had no where to run.
  When it was the defendants turn to testify he rendered the following tale: "Your honor, I was sitting peaceful on my front porch just minding my own business when this bunch of fellers came up and said they was gonna shoot some craps in my house.  I protested and everything but they went on in anyhow. I was afraid if I made too much fuss they might mess me up, so I just sit on my porch and stayed out of it. Then the deputies come and didn't ask or nothing but they come up on my porch and went right in the house and busted up the game.  But they didn't catch nobody and they was pretty mad about that, so they arrested me.  And I wasn't even in the game, your honor. I don't know a thing bout gamlin', and that's the truth."
  Judge Jolly eyeballed the defendant for a minute without speaking. Then he smiled, looked him in the eye and asked, "How do you make a five the hard way?"
  The defendant busted out laughing and declared; "Yes sir Judge, that's a good one."
  Jolly banged his gavel and said, "Guilty! $35 or 30 days! Next case."
  And that's the truth.


  Editor's note: All you decent folks out there, who don't know about Craps, would have looked the Judge in the eye with a blank expression. Not so our defendant, who knew you can't make a hard five in Craps. Hard means the two die have the same number. Two threes equal a hard six. Two fours a hard eight.
  Thanks Mike for the tale.

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