HE SAID WHAT?????

  We once had a Lt on the NPD who could get close to the pronunciation of some words, but not quite there, phonetically.  Sometimes with hilarious consequences. We'll call him Ol' Tumble Tongue.

 Tumble was in Monday morning Municipal Court, Judge Tom Brown presiding. Usually Tumble, an enthusiastic ticket writer, would be defending a citation he'd written to some unhappy citizen. Then, we'd get to hear him say, "Miles-PERN-Our", as he always butchered the phrase. 
  Not today. Today he was testifying about an incident that happened near the Naples Pier. Tumble was wrapped up in his tale, explaining that the victim had been stung by a jellyfish type critter called a Portuguese Man-Of-War, a huge cousin of the jellyfish, that sometimes delivers deadly stings. Tumble explained another hazard. "They're hard to get away from, your Honor," he said. "Their testicles can hang down over 100 feet." As was his style, close to tentacles but no corona.

  Tumble Tongue had another problem. He had the approximate vocabulary of an earthworm. One late night, in the Royal Castle, we were taking a belly bomb and bowl of grease--hamburger and chili--break. The conversation was centered on who was the sorriest human being we'd ever encountered--a favorite cop topic since there were so many candidates. One cop offered, "I'd say G.H. is the worst, he's completely worthless, a sucker-puncher with no gonads at all." Thereby causing our ignorant--but inquisitive--Tumble to announce in his loud voice, "GONADS? What the hell're GO-NADS?"

 Had we known the Heimlich Maneuver back then, it could've been put to good use blowing debris from the throats of customers who nearly choked to death on their hamburgers laughing.

Thanks Ray for the help.