Some folks, when they're dealing with the cops, say some funny things. Part of the job's appeal, is waiting for them to happen.
We had a sweet old lady named Mary who was an Olympic level boozer. Sometimes she'd be sentenced to a few days and we'd have to lock her up. Our jail had two wings, with women and juveniles on one side and men on the other. There were seldom any women on their side. When there was, we'd make extra tours there to make sure they were okay, since they were probably alone. (No video security cameras in those days)
Mary, one day, asked why all the attention. "Just lookin' out for your well being, darlin'," the cop said.
"Well, that's sweet of you," the old dear said. "But if you find me dead, no fancy funeral, please. Just stick an old bone up my azz, throw me out in the yard, and let the wild dogs carry me off."
Another winner was a lady who'd come to the station to report a rape. Turns out she was reporting it only because her husband had been told by neighbors that there was a husband-in-law who'd regularly been hammering his honey. The wife claimed it happened only once and it was a rape. The husband said if it was, she'd better damn sure come up with a police report.
"He forced himself on you?" the detective asked.
"Yassah, he do that." she said. "Comes into my bedrooms, rips off my clothes, and jumps astraddle 'uv me."
"And this was all without your consent?"
"Show was. . .most of the time."
"Most of the time?"
"Yassah. I kept sayin' no, no, no, til he gots some of it in me then I say, Okay."
Then there was Wingding Whoops, who was known as Who Me? You could call to Wingding standing alone on the pitcher's mound in an empty Yankee Stadium and he'd look left, look right, point to his chest and say, "Who Me?"
One night we caught some thieves in the act of stealing materials from a construction site, a new hospital wing at NCH. We had two weasels in hand but the third had run into the multi-story addition. Since it was dark and the building's interior had been configured into over a hundred rooms, it would take hours and be very dangerous to search. A better tactic was used.
We called in a K-9 officer, Bob Melin. Bob decided to give the culprit a chance before he released his dog for a tasty treat. Turning on his car's PA System, Bob had his dog growl, bark, and snarl into the mike. The amplified sound was terrifying. Then Bob said, "Come out now or I'm gonna turn the dog loose. You hear me?"
From the bowels of the building came the horrified reply, "Who Me?"
After we stopped laughing, we sacked up Wingding when he bolted out the door, eyes as big as two fried eggs, sunny side up.
We had a sweet old lady named Mary who was an Olympic level boozer. Sometimes she'd be sentenced to a few days and we'd have to lock her up. Our jail had two wings, with women and juveniles on one side and men on the other. There were seldom any women on their side. When there was, we'd make extra tours there to make sure they were okay, since they were probably alone. (No video security cameras in those days)
Mary, one day, asked why all the attention. "Just lookin' out for your well being, darlin'," the cop said.
"Well, that's sweet of you," the old dear said. "But if you find me dead, no fancy funeral, please. Just stick an old bone up my azz, throw me out in the yard, and let the wild dogs carry me off."
Another winner was a lady who'd come to the station to report a rape. Turns out she was reporting it only because her husband had been told by neighbors that there was a husband-in-law who'd regularly been hammering his honey. The wife claimed it happened only once and it was a rape. The husband said if it was, she'd better damn sure come up with a police report.
"He forced himself on you?" the detective asked.
"Yassah, he do that." she said. "Comes into my bedrooms, rips off my clothes, and jumps astraddle 'uv me."
"And this was all without your consent?"
"Show was. . .most of the time."
"Most of the time?"
"Yassah. I kept sayin' no, no, no, til he gots some of it in me then I say, Okay."
Then there was Wingding Whoops, who was known as Who Me? You could call to Wingding standing alone on the pitcher's mound in an empty Yankee Stadium and he'd look left, look right, point to his chest and say, "Who Me?"
One night we caught some thieves in the act of stealing materials from a construction site, a new hospital wing at NCH. We had two weasels in hand but the third had run into the multi-story addition. Since it was dark and the building's interior had been configured into over a hundred rooms, it would take hours and be very dangerous to search. A better tactic was used.
We called in a K-9 officer, Bob Melin. Bob decided to give the culprit a chance before he released his dog for a tasty treat. Turning on his car's PA System, Bob had his dog growl, bark, and snarl into the mike. The amplified sound was terrifying. Then Bob said, "Come out now or I'm gonna turn the dog loose. You hear me?"
From the bowels of the building came the horrified reply, "Who Me?"
After we stopped laughing, we sacked up Wingding when he bolted out the door, eyes as big as two fried eggs, sunny side up.
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