BUGGED BY PALMETTOS

If you look up "ubiquitous" in a dictionary you should find a picture of a Palmetto bug--the Asian Water bug. The cockroach on steroids. That is, if it's a Florida dictionary. They're ubiquitous! And, sometimes in the strangest places.

A State Fish and Game officer, Snook Bucktail, could tell you all about it. We had the Hoppe's and patches out one morning, cleaning our guns, when he dropped by the NPD. "Mine might could use that," he said, pulling his S&W from the holster. If he had refloated the Titanic, there couldn't have been a rustier piece of metal.

In fairness, Snook worked on salt water quite often and it will rust a blue gun fast. Stainless weapons weren't in production at the time, so we all had to be vigilant against rust. But damn. His looked like the anchor on the Ancient Mariner's ride.

Then, when he tried to open the cylinder, it was rusted shut. He had to beat it on the corner of the desk to release it. And, when it finally creaked open, out strutted a Palmetto bug from an empty chamber in the cylinder. Seemingly perturbed that he'd been evicted from his home, the bug ran up Snook's arm and crawled in his shirt pocket. Seemed to know the territory real well.

Another time, Snook stopped by wanting to bum some fresh ammo. "Sarge told me to change mine out. Said it had more moss and mold on it than granny's cooter. Guess it is a little raunchy. But, I'm a little short on cash this week. Wonder if. . .?"

We said sure and got some out of the ammo closet. When he opened the leather ammo pouch on his gun belt, out walked a Palmetto bug. He looked at it, then at us, and stuttered, "Now that ain't the same one. . ."

But you couldn't have found a cop that would've bet on it. One said, "You keep bringing your pal around least you could do is introduce us, tell us his name. We'll get him some coffee and a donut."

Note: (Why did Snook's revolver have an empty chamber? At the time, some cops still had old revolvers that didn't have a hammer block built in. The block prevents a dropped gun from firing. One of our officers, Lou Collins was killed in just such an accident. So, as a safety measure, they would just load five bullets and leave the chamber under the hammer empty. This is still done by some with Colt .45 revolvers and black powder guns. Same reason.)

And, a cooter is a genus of pond turtle, especially in Florida. Granny was an animal lover.

What did you think it was?