Judge Richard Stanley had his own way of doing things. He'd dole out special conditions to his levied periods of incarceration. Thirty days on a diet of Gerber's baby food. Or, Corporal punishment consisting of so many licks with a belt. Performed in the courtroom. Or, Keep the cell in total darkness. Yep, Richard, or Wretched as he loved to be called, was an original.
Once a game violation case came before him that evoked his special conditions. Dorkwood Dikhead was a local game warden. Being a game warden requires special sensibilities because of the vagueness of the laws and sometimes unique circumstances. And a little common sense comes in handy. Dorkwood, without exception, possessed none of these traits. He was nitpicky and picayune, and was popularly referred as a Prick with ears. It was an appropriate epithet.
In the case in question, Dorkwood had a man for possession of three cottontail rabbits. The man had no valid hunting license so Dorkwood charged him and took the rabbits as evidence. The poor defendant stood before the bar, a downtrodden soul, who obviously had intended the bunnies for his supper. He readily pled Guilty to the charge. Whereupon, Dorkwood related the man's dastardly deeds to the Judge.
Judge Stanley, looked at the defendant for several long seconds then adjudicated the case: "On your plea of guiltily, the court finds you guilty, and fines you two cents for each rabbit. Pay the clerk six cents."
Then he turned to Dorkwood and gave him that look that you never wanted aimed at you. A look that would whither an oak tree. Then, with the brutal sarcasm that only Wretched was capable, he said. "And for you, Mr Dikhead, bring me some more of these cases."
Dorkwood Dikhead beat a hasty retreat from the courtroom, amid rumbles of muffled laughter.
And he didn't present any more bunny cases.
Thanks Dave Dampier for this tale.
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