BOARD STIFF

Getting used to working a cop's varied 24-7, 365 days a year schedule is tough on some. Particularly, young folks having lived a normal life where the major holidays were always just that, and only vampires worked after the sun went down. We tried to make the adjustment as painless as possible at the NPD.

On Christmas and Thanksgiving we'd arrange the schedule so cops would double up on calls to allow the other half of the shift to spend a few hours at home. And, to those trapped in the office--dispatchers, jailers, and clerks--we sometimes provided a little liquid stupid to sweeten the lonely hours. Great discretion was used--usually.

The NPD jail didn't hold many real bad guys. Most were folks who drank too much, or were minor non-violent offenders who'd made dumb mistakes. Most of the time Andy Griffith would've been comfortable there. It was traditional that on Christmas we'd give the prisoners a snort or three of booze. The hooch was always plentiful, cases of the stuff being left off by local bars as Christmas presents.

Once one of the dispatchers had too much of the Christmas spirit and got all the inmates stoned. And just when the stiff-neck chief we called the Colonel--and other things--happened to drop by. One of the inmates was sitting with the dispatcher and seeing the Chief, jumped to his feet, grabbed the Chief and hugged him, exclaiming, "You're a great guy to take care of us on Christmas."

Old Leather Britches was astounded, dragged the inmate back to his cell, and returned mumbling, "If I didn't know better, I'd think that inmate was plastered."

Later that night, when the town went to sleep, cops came in and decided to help our young dispatcher, Bucky, celebrate. Bucky wasn't an accomplished drinker. The cops were. Soon one noticed that Bucky was petrified, staring into space. Concerned they may have killed him, he was taken home. It was said that Bucky was as straight and stiff as a 2 x 4 and when he kept rolling out of the bed, they just leaned him up in the corner and returned to the station.

Bucky survived and recently retired from the ranks of local law enforcement after a long and productive career.