GONE LIKE THE WIND

Once the Naples PD decided to enhance their First Aid capabilities. After getting each officer certified in CPR--advanced training and rare for the era--they installed extra equipment in each patrol car: a portable oxygen cylinder and mask and a blanket. The oxygen for those with emergency breathing problems and the blanket to warm victims subject to shock. Great idea. Except. . .

Each time a cop reached for the oxygen the bottle was empty. And you could never find a blanket. An investigation ensued.

The oxygen bottles were checked for leaks. Negative. Maybe the heat in the trunk was too intense somehow killing the stuff. Nope. The refill cycle time was shortened. No help. What was going on? Finally one of the cops came clean.

Nothing smells worse than a rotting dead body and our sub-tropic heat steps up the putrefaction stench until it is unbearable. Unless you happen to have a handy oxygen bottle and mask in your trunk. On reflection by supervisors, it made sense and was probably a legitimate use. The second, and most prevalent use, was harder to justify.

The cops, always on the leading edge of shady technology, found out that a few whiffs from the bottle after a long night, or day, of boozing would help deaden the most dreadful hangover. Some argued this was a more essential need than masking rotten body stench. Hangovers happened way more often.

Then the blanket problem, where were they going? Never was resolved although some said many migrated to the trunks of the cop's private vehicles. Or their beds at home. Or were left in the bushes after a quick roll with a willing cop groupie. And it was said one officer's dog snuggled each evening on not one, but two of the purloined comforters.

Oh, well, the First Aid equipment seemed like a good idea at the time.