CLOSET CRITTERS

Peril comes in many forms for cops. Sometimes with disastrous and lasting effects. One night, Chester Keene and Ray Loosey found this out when answering a seemingly innocent call.

A lady had some kind of critter in her house. She'd seen the alien scurry in off the patio and then lost view of it. It wasn't a snake, it was something furry. About the size of a cat. And she was scared. Our blue knights were dispatched.

Arriving on the scene, Chester tried to calm the complainant, assuring her that everything was in good hands. They'd search the house and dispatch the hirsute intruder posthaste.

In just a few minutes Loosey did indeed find the culprit when he opened a closet door. And he was shocked. So was the householder, who was standing behind him. So alarmed she shoved Loosey into the closet and slammed the door. And the critter, also upset, did what those of his species do. Being a skunk, he sprayed Loosey down.

Now I know all of you, at some time or other, have whiffed the product of a skunk's displeasure. Maybe just driving down the road the distinctive odor has swept into your vehicle. It's a slap in the nose not soon dispelled. That in mind, consider being actually sprayed. Or being close up to some poor soul that was. Unbearable.

While Chester and the lady teared and choked, Loosey ran to the car and started to get in. Chester stopped him, telling him that if he got that stink on the interior, the car would be ruined, it'd never come out. What to do?

Chester was always an ingenious cop with a grand sense of humor. So, Loosey was put on the top of the patrol car, and told to lie down and hold on to the light bar. A second car followed to ward off traffic in case Loosey lost his grip and tumbled to the asphalt. In this fashion, he was hauled to the rear of the PD where the hose used to wash cars was put to use in an attempt to fumigate our smelly savior.

The hosing down kinda worked but Loosey was still rank. He wanted to go home and shed the horrid smelling costume and get in a good bath. And this was the only reasonable thing to do. But, on arriving at his house, his wife had other ideas. She wouldn't let Loosey in.

Eventually, the situation worked itself out. Loosey was sanitized, although there were those who said he had a distinctive air about him for several days. And for some time after, Critter in the House calls were answered by cops in Hazmat gear.

Handy Hint: Should you or your dog gets zapped by a polecat, douse yourself with tomato juice. Seriously, it works.

Thanks for this true tale to Chester Keene, an old friend and associate, who I had the pleasure of working with at both the NPD and CCSO.