THE NAKED PARROT CAPER

 Roger Fussell, Maintenance Supervisor for the Collier County SO, stocked a big stack of 4'x8' plywood sheets. For hurricanes? Nope, to cover door and windows openings after forced entries had been made to residences by the SWAT team and others.

 When we blow open a home, we are responsible to secure it until the owner--now usually in jail--can tend to it. So Roger would board up the openings where doors and windows used to be before the rams and explosives did their work.

 Entering a hostile environment, sometimes fortified, is very dangerous and we take the steps necessary to keep the odds in our favor. Such was the case one night in the mid-80's. We'll let Dave Johnson take it from here.

 The Special Response Unit--what the public calls SWAT--was assisting Narcotics in serving a search warrant in East Naples. Unbeknownst to the Good Guys, the Bad Guys--who were long gone--had left a large parrot in the house. When SRU did the "knock and announce," the parrot started screeching. In Spanish. None of the Good Guys could habla espanol so they didn't realize it was just a happy bird, thinking his owners had come home. To the contrary, the Good Guys thought all the excited yammering was panicking Bad Guys trying to flush the goods.

 With good reason for SRU to do what they do best--ram the door down, throw flash-bangs--they roared into the premises, screaming POLICIA.

 Flash-bangs are concussion devices used to disorient. When they are tossed into an environment, a loud, deafening explosion--that usually blows out all the windows--and a blinding flash gets your attention in a hurry. As it did with the poor parrot, who proceeded to pull out all its feathers and then drop dead.

 To top off the debacle, the Bad Guys had gotten hinky and moved the dope, so the Good Guys were left with nothing but a pile of bright colored feathers and a naked dead bird that they couldn't even eat.

 The cops around the office started calling the SRU guys "Parrot Killers", which was pretty funny until the Bad Guy's sleazy Miami lawyer hit Sheriff Rogers with a lawsuit for way more than a parrot should be worth--except a gold plated one.

I think the Florida Sheriff's Association--our liability carrier--settled that one with a fat check before the glue dried on the delivery stamps.