NITPICK MUNYGRUBBER

  "Nitpick"--other cops had worse names for him--was a local attorney. I'm sure he did something worthwhile in his practice but I must've overlooked it. Nitpick was one of the Awipes who sued me. There were others. At one time they amounted to 22 million dollars worth and that was a lotta money in the 70's. I never was much concerned though, cause I knew they were just a few personal injury attorneys and other lowlifes trying to generate an illegitimate buck. 
 It still happens. If you watch daytime TV almost every ad is some attorney trying to get you to sue someone. Doctors. Auto insurance companies. Or collect Social Security benefits SS says you're not due. And some folks wonder why the cost of health care and auto insurance is what it is. Howsumever, I digress.

 Nitpick had found some form, that the City issued to the public, that had an error on it. It caused no one any problem except Nitpick who sued the Mayor, the City Manager, and yours truly--who didn't print the thing, just had his officers hand it out. We all ended up in Federal Court in Miami.

 After Nitpick had presented his case, the Judge called the attorneys up to the bench. And in language loud enough for anyone in the courtroom to hear, berated Nitpick in the following manner-or words to this effect:

 "After hearing your case, I find it to be the most useless waste of this court's time I've ever encountered. And if you ever bring forth a similar proceding to me, God help you. You are, however, technically correct and I must give you a directed verdict."

 Nitpick, though chastened, was ecstatic. Money!

 Then the judge spoke to the jury. "The law requires me to find in the favor of the plaintiff and you are required to award him financial damages. I can advise, you, however that if you award him just one dollar this case will be complete and he is finished.

 The jury was out a half hour and returned with a one dollar award. We each paid 33 1/3 cents.
 Come to think of it, that was more than the rest of the frivolous suits collected.