For starters, he liked to break into the same buildings, especially those within walking distance of his flop. His favorite was Hartley's Variety Store, then just a few blocks north of 4 Corners. Another problem, his MO never varied--pry open the bathroom window and slither in. When you found these two constants, you knew Creeping Clarence was at work again.
What befuddled us was how in hell Clarence squeezed through those little windows. They were half-size at best and Clarence was no small man. An easy six feet, he was slim and muscular. But the butt was a problem. It was disproportionally large. He was bubble-butted.
I once asked him how he did it--crammed that rear end through the window. He said, Any thang you can gets yo head and one arm through, be big enough for yo whole body.
I told him, Could be, but one of these days you're gonna eat an extra hush puppy and you're gonna get stuck.
He just laughed, and waved me off.
On night, I got a call from a patrol cop asking me to meet him behind Hartley's. There, I found a smiling uniform officer, pointing to the store's bathroom window, on the alley. There was Clarence, wedged, his head and one arm locked in place. He was squirming and grumbling like a budgie bird.
I couldn't resist. Clarence, I said, I warned you about that bubble butt one day gettin' you stuck tryin' to break in a building.
To which my man Clarence snorted, Lot you knows. I's already brokes IN. I's tryin' to breaks OUT.
Did I mention that Clarence was stupid?
What befuddled us was how in hell Clarence squeezed through those little windows. They were half-size at best and Clarence was no small man. An easy six feet, he was slim and muscular. But the butt was a problem. It was disproportionally large. He was bubble-butted.
I once asked him how he did it--crammed that rear end through the window. He said, Any thang you can gets yo head and one arm through, be big enough for yo whole body.
I told him, Could be, but one of these days you're gonna eat an extra hush puppy and you're gonna get stuck.
He just laughed, and waved me off.
On night, I got a call from a patrol cop asking me to meet him behind Hartley's. There, I found a smiling uniform officer, pointing to the store's bathroom window, on the alley. There was Clarence, wedged, his head and one arm locked in place. He was squirming and grumbling like a budgie bird.
I couldn't resist. Clarence, I said, I warned you about that bubble butt one day gettin' you stuck tryin' to break in a building.
To which my man Clarence snorted, Lot you knows. I's already brokes IN. I's tryin' to breaks OUT.
Did I mention that Clarence was stupid?
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