Medical Examiners have tough jobs. I asked one how he could spend his days cutting up human bodies.Told me the work was interesting, challenging, and important. But if he ever stopped to consider that he was slicing and dicing the remains of real people, he'd go nuts. He also said that, like cops, he'd developed a dark sense of humor.
I first encountered Medical Examiner Fun and Games 101 in Ft. Lauderdale. Attending the police academy, with Dave Dampier, part of the training required us to view an autopsy.
As soon as we entered the autopsy room we knew we were in trouble. On one wall was a giant photo mural showing three medical examiners dissecting burn victims. These "crispy critters", as they're called, are charred black, except for the pink where the examiners had opened the chest cavity. Bad enough, then you notice the examiners were wearing chef's hats, and holding barbecue tools. And, oh yeah, the caption: Steak or Ribs?
There is nothing a medical examiner loves more than torturing rookie cops. If they can't get at least one to pass out, or puke his guts out, the day's been a bust. They don't have many unhappy days.
If cutting off the top of a head doesn't do it, opening the stomach will. The odor is horrendous, especially if the corpse is over-ripe. The examiner makes it worse by probing the contents, and critiquing what he finds. I see our victim had corn for supper, they'd say, or Oh, my favorite, clams. Then, stopping, thinking, announcing, That reminds me, it's snack time. Producing a sandwich, he'd munch away, while returning to the ghoulish work. I can still hear giant cop's skulls bouncing off the floor as they keeled over.
Finally, there's the soup pot. One rookie is directed to a stainless steel pressure-cooker-looking pot. The pot is boiling. He's told to lift up the ladle and see if the soup's ready. The ladle is actually a device that holds a human head, being boiled to remove the flesh so skull fractures can be examined. Usually, just about the time the cook realizes what he's pulled up, it's barf bag time in Sick Humor City.
Over the years, after you've seen all the horrors cops see, you get used to this stuff. Kinda.
I first encountered Medical Examiner Fun and Games 101 in Ft. Lauderdale. Attending the police academy, with Dave Dampier, part of the training required us to view an autopsy.
As soon as we entered the autopsy room we knew we were in trouble. On one wall was a giant photo mural showing three medical examiners dissecting burn victims. These "crispy critters", as they're called, are charred black, except for the pink where the examiners had opened the chest cavity. Bad enough, then you notice the examiners were wearing chef's hats, and holding barbecue tools. And, oh yeah, the caption: Steak or Ribs?
There is nothing a medical examiner loves more than torturing rookie cops. If they can't get at least one to pass out, or puke his guts out, the day's been a bust. They don't have many unhappy days.
If cutting off the top of a head doesn't do it, opening the stomach will. The odor is horrendous, especially if the corpse is over-ripe. The examiner makes it worse by probing the contents, and critiquing what he finds. I see our victim had corn for supper, they'd say, or Oh, my favorite, clams. Then, stopping, thinking, announcing, That reminds me, it's snack time. Producing a sandwich, he'd munch away, while returning to the ghoulish work. I can still hear giant cop's skulls bouncing off the floor as they keeled over.
Finally, there's the soup pot. One rookie is directed to a stainless steel pressure-cooker-looking pot. The pot is boiling. He's told to lift up the ladle and see if the soup's ready. The ladle is actually a device that holds a human head, being boiled to remove the flesh so skull fractures can be examined. Usually, just about the time the cook realizes what he's pulled up, it's barf bag time in Sick Humor City.
Over the years, after you've seen all the horrors cops see, you get used to this stuff. Kinda.
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