ARCHIE AND THE PEEPING TOM

  One of Naples' early mayors was so colorful a book could be devoted to his shenanigans. His name was Archie Turner, a fisherman turned to snagging voters. And he was excellent at it.

  Archie was a physically powerful man, even though he had one arm that'd been mangled in some sort of accident. It hadn't slowed him down much. He was also a Bataan Death March survivor. Tough guy. 
 I remember once, at the Swamp Buggy Races, the drivers decided they were going to throw Archie in the Sippy Hole, the biggest and deepest hole in front of the grandstands. Just good ol' fun and games for the event and times. Archie threw six of them in the hole before a mob could overpower him and give him a dunking.

  Another time we received a call that there'd been a prowler at Archie's house-- on Central, about three blocks up from the beach--looking in his daughter's window. We rushed to the scene and found an agitated Archie, saying the bastard had run, and pointing in a direction. I took off that way.

  Along the route, I came upon an old  gray Chevy sedan, lights out, idling beside the road, with the driver hunched over--trying to make himself invisible. When he realized I was the police, he was terrified and admitted he was waiting for his partner, who was the peeping tom. 

  I yanked him out of the car, handcuffed him to a stop sign, and decided to finish his duties. Taking off and cruising slowly with the lights off, I hadn't gone far before out of a yard burst his compadre, who ran to the side of the car and jumped in. "Where the hell you been?" he said, before looking at me and realizing he'd been tricked. I took him back to Archie's house.

  When we arrived, Archie ran up to the car--blood in his eye--tore open the door, grabbed the voyeur, and lifted him arms length in the air, with one hand on the kids neck. "If you ever come back to my house again and look in my daughter's window," he said, "I'll break your scrawny neck."

  He certainly seemed sincere to me. And to the kid, too. He had some extra laundry to do down at the jail.