An article in a recent law enforcement journal extols the virtues of using wasp and hornet spray to ward off human pests. It claimed that hornet spray, which will shoot a stream over 20’, is much better than pepper-based sprays that require you to be up close and vulnerable. And the effect is just as, if not more, devastating—probably requiring emergency room attention. And a hornet spray can is innocuous, requires no permits, and is safe—on the user’s end. Readers were encouraged to put one in their glove compartment, beside their bed.
The article caused me to wonder just how effective hornet spray would be. Sounded reasonable. Being at our summer place in the Great State of Tennessee afforded the ideal proving ground. Cops in the county where we vacation are not bashful about experimenting with new procedures and devices that inflict pain and misery. In fairness, they have to, to deal with the sub-human hillbillies in the community who are, on the evolutionary scale, two generations below a horney toad.
I consulted with some members of the local constabulary who I knew. The reaction was unanimous. Hornet spray! Why didn’t I think of that? They agreed to test the proposition in the field and report the results. By the very next morning, I was listening to a report by an enthusiastic experimenter.
“Shoulda seen ‘im,” the Bubba Cop said. “Know how when you spray one of them hornets they fall right to the ground, and starts kickin’ and floppin’ around?”
“Yep,” I said.
“Well,” he said, “a hillbilly does the same damn thing ‘cept better.”
“How’s that?”
“A hornet can’t scream. Hell, I’ve turned in my Capstun and bought me a case of Black Flag.”
I offer this report for your perusal and edification. Hopefully, It’ll assist you in product selection. Me, I’m cuttin’ this short so I can get down to the bug section of the hardware store.
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