JUDGE, GET OUTTA MY CAR

  Once a Detective in Ft Myers, who thought he had a "slam dunk" case against an auto thief, was stunned when the judge dumped the charges and set the maggot free. The judge, who we'll call Stinkweed, told the Detective, who'll be Wiley, that the thief had a title to the "alleged" stolen vehicle. And it was true.

 "But, your honor," Wiley said, "it's a bogus title, obtained by fraudulent means. And we intend to prove it."

 "No need," Stinkweed said, "a title is a title as far as I'm concerned. Too complicated to sort out. Case dismissed."

  Wiley was distraught, but not destroyed. He decided it was time to educate the Honorable Stinkweed, who had about as much business on the bench as Homer Simpson. Immediately before being appointed a judge, he'd served a period of disbarment for stealing his client's money.

  About a month later, Wiley, entered Stinkweed's chambers and said, "That blue Caddy Coupe de Ville you've been driving. . ."

  "Yes," Stinkweed said, "what about it?"

  "It's my car," Wiley said, "and I want it back."

  "What the hell are you talking about?" Stinkweed thundered.

  Wiley handed his honor a piece of paper. "Here's the title, with my name on it and the VIN number matches that Caddy."

  "It can't," Stinkweed said, befuddled.

 "But it does. You see I called up a motor vehicles department in some backwoods county in Alabama. Gave them them the VIN number off your car, gave them my name, and a bogus address in Alabama, and told them I wanted to title a car I'd put together out of junk parts. Had them forward the title to me down here. Had it in about a week. Took that to a Florida DMV office, and converted it to a Florida title. Just like the thieving sonuvabitch did that you released.

  "So," Wiley continued, I'd like my Caddy cause as you said 'a title is a title'."

  Wiley, of course, didn't take the car, but his point was well taken. At the time anyone could get any type of title in Alabama, few questions asked. It was nearly as popular a shady enterprise as our camera-generated right on red traffic citations.