At one time you could hire a collection agency that pretty much guaranteed you'd get your owed money. It was started by the Hell's Angels. When ten of them showed up on a slow-payer's doorstep, with their leather-studded hand out, you'd better put something in it. Naples had a short-lived enterprise that also worked well.
A very successful construction subcontractor, who we'll call Frank, was excellent at completing projects on time. Except for one element: his bookkeeping skills were so terrible he was constantly writing bad paychecks to his employees. It wasn't that he didn't have the money, he was just awful at accounting for it. Didn't send out bills on time. Didn't collect them. Forgot to make deposits. He loved to build but hated the paperwork. And he didn't have a bookkeeper.
Payday was always a hassle for Frank's employees. A waiting and worrying game. Who would be the lucky ones to get a valid paycheck. All? Half? They just never knew.
You'd think they'd give him up to the cops for uttering rubber instruments, but he provided steady work and paid better than anyone else. When he did pay. And the workers knew Frank would pay. Eventually. He was just sloppy at getting it done on time.
One Friday afternoon we received a call from Frank's receptionist--who wasn't a bookkeeper either. She was terrified. "You better get over here quick. Frank hasn't showed up with the checks and the guys are so mad they've strung up a rope with a noose back there in the shop. And I believe they're gonna use it."
We urged her to try and contact Frank and tell him to stay away until we could get there. She said she had and Frank was coming in anyway.
When we got there, we found just what the receptionist had described. The noose, the angry crowd, everything but a horse with Frank on it, hands tied behind his back.
Just as we were moving in to disperse the crowd, in walks Frank. There was a fearsome growl from the workers.
Frank smiled. "Sorry I'm late, fellers, but I got behind and have to admit I didn't have time to write out the checks."
Oh my God.
"But, I did bring cash money--he held up a brief case--so we can settle up."
And nothing can bring on the smiles like cash money.
Frank wasn't a stupid man and the incident brought a profound change to his monetary practices. After that, Frank's paychecks were as reliable as the afternoon shower on a Florida summer's day.
At least for a month or so.
We urged her to try and contact Frank and tell him to stay away until we could get there. She said she had and Frank was coming in anyway.
When we got there, we found just what the receptionist had described. The noose, the angry crowd, everything but a horse with Frank on it, hands tied behind his back.
Just as we were moving in to disperse the crowd, in walks Frank. There was a fearsome growl from the workers.
Frank smiled. "Sorry I'm late, fellers, but I got behind and have to admit I didn't have time to write out the checks."
Oh my God.
"But, I did bring cash money--he held up a brief case--so we can settle up."
And nothing can bring on the smiles like cash money.
Frank wasn't a stupid man and the incident brought a profound change to his monetary practices. After that, Frank's paychecks were as reliable as the afternoon shower on a Florida summer's day.
At least for a month or so.
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